Emotional Maze.

They say I've -

a lovely face

a walk of such grace

eyes-sparks of innocence

words-flares of brilliance

But who're they?

Family?friends? nay!

I'm a girl turned away

thrown amidst a fray

they say-lovely face and innocent eyes

But It's all a pretense,a pretty disguise   

they can't see the tears under

they can't see my struggle for an answer

They say i'll grow out of it

With time,They say i'll forget it

But time has only deepened the gashes

the Orphaned feeling,whipping me with invisible lashes

With no release

from this painful freeze,

In an emotional maze i'm trapped 

From my own life, I'm deserted

Extinct.

what is a hurricane?
to an already uprooted tree
what is a caging cane?
to a soul that was never free


what is a broken string?
to a guitar that was never played
what does a new job call bring?
to a body already on trade


what is  help?
to a lost hope
what is another yelp?
to a body under the rope

what is  revival?

to a wounded love
what is survival?
to a lost love

Deprived.

You vowed never to be apart

Blindly,I carved your initials deep into my heart,

now these unending tears incapable of clearing those

roll down my cheeks,helplessly writhing in deep throes

You said you wouldn't leave me at all..

But here I stand,in the dark,agonizingly,fighting my fall

You said it's 'Me', what the nightingale sings

But here I stand with my broken wings...

Never asked,with me why you fell in love?...

But you did say I was your treasure-trove

You did say I was your beautiful little dove

You did say I was made just to snuggle in your alcove

Now,when my heart's aching for a reason

You got nothing,but just a nail for my coffin

tried to bury all the kisses into the past...

But alas! they haunt.forever-they shall last

You've taken away the light
bringing upon me a blight

You've taken away the path

now I shall wither in my own wrath

You've taken away 'yourself'...my very own.

You've taken away My crown...My throne..

.

Loner.

I walk..

The fog is descending onto me once again

and i helplessly try to fight...batting my hands against the mist..trying to create a sense of me..my existence..my survival..my meaning

But in vain,

I'm a hopeless soul after all...

I walk

with my eyes shut...

not to blind myself of the reality but..

In a silly hope that the reality just ceases to exist...

In a silly belief that nature was just going through a transition

That it's temporary.

It's just trying to add charming colors to these sepulchral shades..

But in vain,

I open my eyes and am engulfed

by

the whites of a ghost..

the blacks of a devil..

Yet i try to battle it out...

I walk..

increasing my stride...

Questions raised in the corners of my mind...

Are these the cobwebs spun to hamper me?

by who?

fate?destiny?whoever writes our life stories?...

But I'm no easy prey..

You've to let the beast out..

to crucify me to death.

Are these the hexes thrown at me??

by who?

the enemy?the other-end?whoever is in power of you??

But I'm no weak soul..

I have become best at this.

I'll fight

till my

knees are frozen..

elbows are cut..

till my

fingers bleed

feet crippled...

till my

mind cracks the conundrum

and the heart feels the love

that it ought to..

that it deserves to..

that it wants to..

And it won't be in vain...

And it won't be in vain...after all.

Misery

Oh! Enticing moonlight,

Why do you try to provoke these feelings?

What are you playing at?

Oh! Lovely flowers,

Why do you try to evoke love?

What's the use of falling over me?

over this stone of a person...

There’s an end to this vast sky

But is there an the end to my misery??

There’s a lightening bolt hidden in every cloud

But is there atleast one ray of hope in my life??

A harp with broken strings

Can it ever make a melody?

In a sandy strenuous desert

Is there a prospect of finding atleast one blossomed rose?

When there was no peace on his mind

God had made this human…

And He forgot to write

Comfort,

Peace,

Happiness,

In my life story…

PS:the writing is a translation of an old Telugu song(mantalu repe)

Haunt me!

All the sweet fragrances
I can smell
All the beautiful sights
I can see
But i don't want to
No!!I won't!
My heart's paralyzed!
ugly in it's prime,
Gored and gashed ghastly!
Bleeding away...
Why did you let go off me?
Why did you leave me alone,
to deal with the enviable and the pitiable?
Return!Return back!
I can't stand this anymore!
I can't hug you
I can't kiss you
For you're no more
But at least let me feel your presence
Curse me!
Hurt me!
Hunt me!
Haunt me!

Leave and Let die!

 

When there is no reply to my magical three words,

When the reply is only a ‘long pause' accompanied by an awkward smile 

What the eyes try to avoid is caught by the heart

And it's not a hearty place to be

Kill the heart

Kill it at once instead of shredding it inch by inch as each day passes

Kill the pretension

Cos it ain't no camera, it's my heart.

And End this twisted thing you led me into, with my eyes closed

Leave me

Leave!! and Let die!

 

CARNAGE OF FEELINGS

I heard a breaking sound
Inside me,
When you said those words
I heard myself cry,
But then again there was not trace of a single tear
It were those broken pieces

Every piece whimpered, quivered and shivered
Every piece battled to stay together
Every piece tried to reach one another,
Every piece lamented, bawled, pleaded

You said it was for the best
But…
How is it best when I can’t see you anymore?
How is it best when I don’t get to hear your voice?
How is it best when I am not loved by you?
How is it best when we’re not together?

Oh! Forget it!
If you can forget me…
Well then So can I

I can forget those moments on the road, after the early morning drizzle
I can forget those moments in the lake, right after the sunset
I can forget those moments of you lying in my lap and playing with my hair
I can forget those moments of the “hide and seek” played around the house

Oh forget it!
Who am I lying to?
You?
Myself?
I know there’s no way out of this massacre you caused
It was not carnage of lives
It was CARNAGE OF FEELINGS

Healing Potion

I take the blows
Thrust by the known unknown
I’m walking wounded
Burdened by the cruelty and curses
Bruised by the betrayals

I am pining for your touch
To heal my scars
I am yearning for your kiss
To savor the sweet pain
Oh let it be worth the wrath

Take me to the world
Where I am the most beautiful
Where I am the most prized
Dazzlingly admired
Desperately wanted

Take me as I am
Fill me with you
Relinquish yourself
Let me be your queen
Let me be…
Let me be…

Another Nobody

Roadside, below an autumn tree

She rests reflecting the same dying spirit as the tree

Looking like a log from fizzled out fire

Groaning and moaning

Tired from batting the flies away

Lifeless, humorless face

Wrinkled like a blanket

Scared silence in those hollow glassy eyes

A corpse is better than her

Given up!

From the disease

Worn out!

From the begging

Coming is the winter

No place to go, except for another leafless and lifeless tree

Years upon her,

Joints slackened

A knot in the stomach

A hole in the heart

No reason for her to hope

No hope for her to live

“If she dies, who might be responsible for her death?”

Asks the fierce wind blowing away

Sucking away a bone, the stray dog stayed silent

Grabbing a fly, went the lizard on its way for another juicy one

No knight in sight to rescue this pile of bones

But the dark night spread diabolically

Raising its ugly head, waiting for the moment

The dust flew about in its way,

A used leaf platter came by, flying

“This was not my fault” lamented it…

It went flying; hoping may be it could save “Another Nobody”

Hungry stars

I was growing
A lil hesitant to get onto the world
but eager to see it
The beautiful pleasant world.
I heard strange tongues,learned some,understood some.
In a land where "my" birth was a "not-so-happy" incident ,since my Father wanted a boy...it scared me a lil bit.
But i felt gifted for being a girl.
With these lil disturbing thoughts in my mind i was growing..
my arms,my legs,a stomach..i am whole.
I am getting restless now,there is not enough room for me here.
When are you going to let me out?
I started kicking to show my anxiousness and my suffocation.

My first look of this world,with a dirty green rug wrapped around me was that of the great moonlit sky.
Ah! such a great sight,now i know why they talk about moon so much.
The stars seemed to rejoice my birth,they were mighty sparkling.

i was impatient about experiencing the "world of wonders" ,but i felt a little tired,so i closed my eyes to take a little nap.

Suddenly i felt something cold,really icy. It took a lil time to open my eyes.
The frostiness grew around me at a faster rate and i seemed to go deeper and deeper into this coldness.
I wanted to talk but didn't know how,so i cried,screamed,wailed.

By now i was completely inside the translucent liquid.
Then i thought may be this was some kind of exercise every new-born has to grow through.
I stayed patient for a while.Still no sign of taking me out from this horror.
It was getting harder for me to breathe and my crying was going in vain.
Through the liquid the stars suddenly looked HUNGRY,they were laughing at me but there was something cold and evil about it.

My breathlessness began,
my heart was beating faster
and my lungs seemed to be blowing up.
What am i to do?
what did i do wrong?
i am just born.
i want to see the world..live in it..experience it.
hello!!!whats going on?
i am sorry if i did something wrong..
i tried to convey all these emotions in my cries..
but there was no sign of anyone.
i kept thinking ..what did i do wrong..?
then it dawned on me : i was a girl..!
that's what i did wrong..
i gave in.

cry

Crying is one of the best expressions.
crying doesn't make you weak instead it makes you strong.

Cry your heart out for the person you love the most
Cry your heart out in success
Cry your heart out in failure
Cry your heart out during the golden moments
Cry your heart out in pain and grief
Cry your heart out when you lose someone
Cry your heart out when you are scared
Cry your heart out when you are depressed
Cry your heart out when you are angry
Cry your heart out for your family,your society,your country....for yourself & your sake

CRY YOUR HEART OUT WHEN YOU FEEL !!!!

the darkest side....

This story is a true story of a young girl of 18 yrs.

“I was 12 yrs old when I got married to my husband who was 16 that time”
I couldn’t believe my ears when she was telling me this….in this 21st century people are still living like this…my heart started aching while listening to her story.

This young woman works as a maid in my grandma’s house…she’s very clever and tactic...though an illiterate. she’s from mehboobnagar district of Andhra Pradesh

She continued…
“After I got married I came to this area…my husband is good to me unlike the others…..but he’s very fickle-minded …he keeps jumping from one job to the other...at first he was a mason...then a carpenter…then a butcher…then a factory worker…presently he’s working in a bakery….due to his instability…we are unable to feed ourselves and our children properly”.
For this I felt anger rising in me …I couldn’t stop myself from asking “why didn’t your parents see his background?”
With a high pitched laugh (that said I was speaking like a fool) she replied “who cares about his background…they just wanted to get rid of me…a girl is always a burden for her parents”

“Then?” I questioned…

“then…I became pregnant at the age of mmm…13 and 16”and for this my reaction was involuntary and unconscious”whaaa…pregnant?”(With an expression of disgust on my face)and she coolly replied”yaa..And again I am pregnant…I hope this time it’s a boy…the first two are girls…and my husband was not happy with me…ha “ayi maji”…chalo main chalti hoon…phir se ma dantegi”(my grandama shouted at her for not completing her work) …she slowly got up leaving me in a lot of confusion and disgust.

I immediately looked at my mother for some sort of explanation that could comfort me…but she just gave me weak smile...and that smile made me understand this bizarre world.

And that moment I sensed mixed feelings…happy that I wasn’t the victim of this horrible life…sad for this clever&beautiful lady whose talent is just …just wasted.

As I think more of it…I realize more pain….she was pregnant when she could hardly take care of herself…she’s the mother of two and is nourishing them without any knowledge of motherhood….she doesn’t know or even think or plan about the horrible future she’s going to face…..

With a deep sigh of anguish I slip into an uncomfortable sleep thinking about my country which is still in the clutches of child marriage…female infanticide…gender inequality…illiteracy…population explosion…And the mother of all these ....

IGNORANCE