A Stranger in the mirror

I can see the Sun shining on me..
But am numb to the warmth.
I can see the drops hitting me..
But am unaware of the bliss
I can see the pity in the eyes
But am oblivious to the compassion

I can see the food,colorful to the eyes
But it's still distasteful to the tongue
I can see Everything
But i feel Nothing
I can see the reflection in the mirrorBut it's still A Stranger in the mirror

baby-dom.

excited at the sight of colours...

just the gagaggogooo syllables...

laughing whole heartedly to something that's remotely funny...

crawling into the direction where they positioned you...

fascinated just by the clunk clunk coming from jingling keys...

so uncomplicated!

so un-toxicated...

wish i could be a baby again,

wish i could crawl once again just to lick something disgusting..without knowing what it is...

wish i could learn to stand on my feet and bring tears of joy to the whole family..

wish i could eat,drink,wail,yell..even pee

and yet they would think i am the cutest lil thing in the world...

oh!gotta bawl like a baby once again!

My goddamn life!

You'll pick yourself up

..dust yourself off..

You''ll learn to smile again..

and live again..

so the 'apparent' experts say...

the scabs cover the wound..

but what about the ghastly marks left behind??

constantly reminding you..of

what has happened..

how it has happened..

every infinitesimal detail..

the wretched truth staring right into your soul..

slicing...crumpling...grinding your courage

pity laughs of self... echoing until the ears bleed

trying ..trying so hard to smile till the muscles ache

How do i fight this 'thing'...hha!it hasn't even got a name for god sakes!

'love lost'is the greatest evil...it kills you...it kills you slowly..

injecting a sharp pain into your nerves..

kills you when you are trying to take a gulp of breath...

kills you when you are trying to catch a wink of sleep...

reminds you of the terrile sight of you being happy..

reminds you of the pithyful sounds of your true laughter

bringing you down...

with a fine string...

pullin you leisurely from somewhere...

at each tug...you can feel the pain flowing through that invisible thread

and you keep on searching..trying to cut the connection..free yourself from it..

in the dark..you grope..and grope..and grope

but in vain

you wail for help

cry for some miracle...

After sometime..how much ever long that may be..

you run out of tears to meet your situation

you run out of theories to suffice your existence

You just need to wait for that moment..to perish

but the heart has already...

it has given up

lying inside..

dying..

withering..

decaying..

in the darkness...

you go numb

numb not from fear of death

but from fear of living..

darkness floods..

darkess engulfs...

darkness in which...you can't feel one's self!

Circussing love

My love for you is a circus..

i walk on that thin rope..

scared that you might walk out on me..

but keep smiling trying to assure myself you'll never fall outta love..

I'm like the lion..

proud that i can catch anything..and make him my prey..

but I'm helpless around you..

cos you got the hunter to hurt..

I'm like the trapeze artist above the world..

swinging away in my glory..

but when i look down to reality..

i realize..

how deep i can fall..without you.

tear stains

You and me..

that was the pretty picture i painted for myself..since my childhood..

me with that smile..you with twinkle in your eye..but,

suddenly you vanished..you erased of off you from it...

and mercilessly all those colors went outta my life!

Now i stand on that plain paper..in this laborious life...

All alone!

tear stains replaced that smile...

now..a pitiable girl..with few traces of 'once a lovely girl',

love lost in her eyes

Clueless...

joyless....

Lifeless!

All by myself

All by myself..

none to give,

none to take,

none to listen,

none to talk.

All by myself..

none to spoil,

none to pamper,

none to laugh with,

none to cry over.

All by myself...

no longing look,

no soothing song,

no caring caress,

no tingling touch,

no kindling kiss.

All by myself..

Living lifeless,

Living loveless,

All by myself..

Yearning for you..

Yowling for you.

Let go!

Walking alone..on this path..
milestones crossed.
myriad of thoughts gone by.
countless doubts left uncleared.
Just 'blind' faith showing me the light.. *snigger*
isn't it ironic?
the deep rooted hope..
giving me the strength..
the undeniable belief in the voice of the li'l girl..
within me..
incessantly telling me...
"go on..go on..he's there..waiting!waiting for you"..
Oh!get me outta this plight..
Burn this hope alive..
end it!
Let me start over..
with no dreams of you..
Let go!Let go!

Drugged..

One touch i long to feel

One voice i long to hear,

One  smile i long to see,

One grab at my waist i long to sense,

One last gasp i long to mark,

...under your control..

I think about it every minute..

mounting up daily..

making me thirsty for your lips..

hungry for your body..

my addiction for you has the sweetest pain of wanting you more than anything..

anything in this world!

surrender

You play my body like a melody on the piano..

You touch my lips like the dew touching a blossoming bud..

you breathe against my hair like the wind playing with the branches of the tree..

you surround me like a fierce tornado

you take me into your arms like the waves taking in the shore..

you say 'i love you' like nothing else matters..

To these i surrender..

I surrender..

I surrender to you..

completely!

Us

To look you through that window pane;
But not being able to reach you..oh!lord! that pain;
But now you're with me,right before my eyes,Here!
your atypical voice and childish laughter i get to hear;
You're in my own lil whimsical world The Baron;
without you,Oh!this world would be sullen and barren;
For you i care,
everything i bare;
For you i wanna be!
With you i wanna be!
Together let us be,
forever let us be.

Ripe

When you call me "beautiful baby"..oh my heart's on swing

those words from your voice..

tugging at my heart..

plucking my heart's strings...

How i love that feeling!

everyday i feel it..anew..

It doesn't get old...

your love doesn't get old..

it only ripes..

The one

MY VERSION:
I want to be the pillow you cling on to when you're insecure
I want to  be the quenching drops that touch your lips when you tremble
I want to be the wall you lean on when you're broken
I want to be the diary you let your anger out to
I want to be the one that gives you that mystique feeling
I want to be the ONE...
who's made to love you...made to be loved by you.


DAD'S VERSION:
How I wish I be the pillow
pressed to your chest when you are low
How i wish I be the drops that quench
your parched lips,ending their nectar search
How i wish I be the shoulder you lean on
to push away your blues,and give you strength to go on and on
How I wish I be the diary,where your feelings you pour
To become your alter-ego,to make a royal entry into your heart's door.

Misery

Oh! Enticing moonlight,

Why do you try to provoke these feelings?

What are you playing at?

Oh! Lovely flowers,

Why do you try to evoke love?

What's the use of falling over me?

over this stone of a person...

There’s an end to this vast sky

But is there an the end to my misery??

There’s a lightening bolt hidden in every cloud

But is there atleast one ray of hope in my life??

A harp with broken strings

Can it ever make a melody?

In a sandy strenuous desert

Is there a prospect of finding atleast one blossomed rose?

When there was no peace on his mind

God had made this human…

And He forgot to write

Comfort,

Peace,

Happiness,

In my life story…

PS:the writing is a translation of an old Telugu song(mantalu repe)

Discovering

Look for yourself
Find for yourself
Realize for yourself

I’m not hiding it
I’m not putting it away
It’s not under my control
As I’m not under my control

See it!
It’s in the glow of my eyes when you say ‘baby’
It’s in the gasp I let out when you hug me
It’s in the blush of my cheeks when you kiss on my ear
It’s in the tremors of my body when you touch
It’s in the laugh I give when you say ‘You’re the most beautiful one ’

Feel it!
The celebration that begins inside
The leap that my heart takes
The fire that sets inside
The rain that floods the heart’s gates

Discover my love!
For I can’t show it
Discover my love!!
For I didn’t trap it!
Discover my love!!
For I’m lost in it!

My love....for YOU!

Haunt me!

All the sweet fragrances
I can smell
All the beautiful sights
I can see
But i don't want to
No!!I won't!
My heart's paralyzed!
ugly in it's prime,
Gored and gashed ghastly!
Bleeding away...
Why did you let go off me?
Why did you leave me alone,
to deal with the enviable and the pitiable?
Return!Return back!
I can't stand this anymore!
I can't hug you
I can't kiss you
For you're no more
But at least let me feel your presence
Curse me!
Hurt me!
Hunt me!
Haunt me!

Leave and Let die!

 

When there is no reply to my magical three words,

When the reply is only a ‘long pause' accompanied by an awkward smile 

What the eyes try to avoid is caught by the heart

And it's not a hearty place to be

Kill the heart

Kill it at once instead of shredding it inch by inch as each day passes

Kill the pretension

Cos it ain't no camera, it's my heart.

And End this twisted thing you led me into, with my eyes closed

Leave me

Leave!! and Let die!

 

Uncast the Spell

You left me expressionless,
I don't feel sad or happy or even least bit angry;
I don't know where my heart beats now,cos all i hear is a mechanical interruptions
I'm not living.I simply exist.
You walked through that door and left me to wither.
But why don't i feel a thing?i wish i could just feel...
I'm a walking corpse!What have you done??
Uncast this spell!Uncast this spell!

Whenever!Wherever!However!

Why does he have such control over me?
What is it?Is it his eyes?
Those two sharp black eyes that hit me right in my heart..
Wherever he looks at me?
Or is it his voice?
That manly voice that makes me melt with the heat of passion, tenderly
May be it’s his arms
Those Strong arms that make me give up everything just for one moment wrapped around them…
No..
No. it’s him.The complete HIM
He makes me close my eyes…roll my neck…arch my back ..spread my legs and curl my toes…
Feeling every vein of my body ache,..aching for sheer pleasure..
Asking for more
Yearning.
Hungry for him
I need it and I need it for my existence
More of him!All of him!
Whenever!Wherever!However!

CARNAGE OF FEELINGS

I heard a breaking sound
Inside me,
When you said those words
I heard myself cry,
But then again there was not trace of a single tear
It were those broken pieces

Every piece whimpered, quivered and shivered
Every piece battled to stay together
Every piece tried to reach one another,
Every piece lamented, bawled, pleaded

You said it was for the best
But…
How is it best when I can’t see you anymore?
How is it best when I don’t get to hear your voice?
How is it best when I am not loved by you?
How is it best when we’re not together?

Oh! Forget it!
If you can forget me…
Well then So can I

I can forget those moments on the road, after the early morning drizzle
I can forget those moments in the lake, right after the sunset
I can forget those moments of you lying in my lap and playing with my hair
I can forget those moments of the “hide and seek” played around the house

Oh forget it!
Who am I lying to?
You?
Myself?
I know there’s no way out of this massacre you caused
It was not carnage of lives
It was CARNAGE OF FEELINGS

Smiling Tear

A smile spreads on my face
When I see two tots walk holding hands
A smile spreads on my face
When I see a kid looking like he has the world, rolling his tyre, buck naked

A tear rolls down my cheek
When I get a touching greeting card
A tear rolls down my cheek
When I get a tight hug from my best friend

A smile spreads on my face
When I feel the first drop of rain on my face
A smile spreads on my face
When I feel warmth of my blanket in a cold weather

A tear rolls down my cheek
When I see my grandma’s eyes full of emotion, holding my hand tight
A tear rolls down my cheek
When I see a passionate romantic moment

A smile spreads on my face
When I smell the mud on a rainy day
A smile spreads on my face
When I smell heavenly home-cooked dinner

A tear rolls down my cheek
When I realize suddenly how much has changed
A tear rolls down my cheek
When I realize suddenly that the person is no more around

A smile spreads on my face
When I go to my mom, in a new a sari and she looks at me like I am ‘all grown up’
A smile spreads on my face
When I go to the movies an hour late and friends looks as if they are gonna kill meA tear rolls down my cheek
When I see my parents like a couple of 20 year olds
A tear rolls down my cheek
When I see my family floating with laughterA smile spreads on my face
When I hear your voice,filling the emptiness
A smile spreads on my face
When I hear that you're meeting meA tear rolls down my cheek
When you reach for my hand and squeeze it…with a look of assuranceA tear rolls down my cheek
When you tell me that I am beautiful and meaning it when actually I look dreadful

A tear rolls down my face smiling its way through
when you say " I love You"