At Dusk.

"Din dhal jaaye raat na aaye,tu toh na aaye teri yaad sataaye.- guide."

I’m afraid to sleep

I’m afraid to sleep

As night steps in wearing its glittering dress

I’m frightened of its beautiful darkness

I can’t fight the memories it brings in with it

I lose daily, maddening myself bit by bit

I’m afraid of the dreams that the sleep will bring in of you

Again and again, I’m afraid of losing my thoughts to you.

I’m struggling to make myself unfeeling, object-like and opaque

Trying to bury you under layers of hurt, anger, tears and heart ache

How to get myself out of this abyss?

How to draw you out of my heart and dismiss?

Even the blur of an illusion of you or a distant dream can bring it all back

Just the vision of you can make me defenseless-oh! what a cold attack

And if I sleep

And if I sleep

The dream I can never have, will unfold, in an awning 
autumn will prance in, disguised as spring

Mirage will flounce in, disguised as Oasis

Hope will be tricked by sweet reminiscence with pain as nexus

And I will fall vulnerably

Into the hungry ravine again, naively

Foolishly painting with colors in wild imagination

Only to be rendered sightless after it’s completion

Powerful pangs shall hit me later causing invisible burns

As I try to soothe them with my unending tear patterns

They shan't appease, for my tears are acids of pain

Burning me, turning me into a mere meek membrane

But I’ll sleep

But I’ll sleep

With a tear on my face I will wait for the dream…

The cruel dream to sow daffodils on the bank of my heart’s stream

I know they’ll die just tomorrow

And again I shall weep a deep ocean of sorrow

Nevertheless, I’ll put myself to sleep and reverie

At least my delusions will be flowery

Then maybe I’ll sleep forever

Then maybe I can dream of you forever

Then Maybe.
Just maybe.